Image Information: photo of a man looking in a mirror. Web Source: pixabay.
There was once a man named Narcissus. He lived just outside a large city in England. The place in which he lived was set in the middle of nowhere. He had no neighbors, which led him to have only interacted with his mother and the occasional stranger. He lived in a small house with no mirrors — just the way his mother wanted it. You see, when Narcissus was born, the doctor noticed that he was abnormally beautiful. Most babies are born rather the same but Narcissus was different. The doctor could not quite describe it but he knew he was different. His mother feared that his attractiveness might get in the way of his success in life as the doctor implied that his beauty could be his downfall. She consulted the doctor about what she could do to make sure he was successful in life.
The doctor said to her, "You must make sure that he never discovers himself. You must move far from the city and keep him isolated from others. Most importantly, you must remove any mirrors from your house." Narcissus' mother did just that.
When Narcissus was growing up, it was not too difficult to keep him away from others as he was a kind and obedient child. His mother decided to homeschool him to keep him away from others. It was as he got older that things became more difficult. Narcissus had only had very few interactions with other people but each time people commented on his sheer beauty. His so few interactions with others often had him longing for adventure and wondering what beauty they were speaking of.
One day, a woman named Echo was traveling through Narcissus' small-town. Narcissus had not seen many women in his town, only small-town farmers passing by. Narcissus approached her because he so desperately wanted to speak to a stranger. He had spent his entire life speaking to the same people.
When he approached her, before he could say a word, Echo exclaimed, "Oh my! You must be the most beautiful person I have ever seen!"
"I wouldn't know for I have never seen myself," Narcissus replied.
Echo was extremely shocked to hear this. She could not imagine going through life without ever seeing her own face. She quickly fumbled through her purse in an attempt to find a mirror but realize that she had left her mirror at home. She had left her home in the city in quite a hurry as she had just got in a fight with her parents yet again. You see, Echo was not so beautiful like Narcissus. She was also loud and obnoxious and her parents constantly reminded her that no one wanted to marry her. This pained her deeply as she had always wanted to get married and live happily ever after. It was the deepest desire of her heart.
"I can take you to the city so you can finally look upon your own face," Echo offered.
Narcissus immediately accepted her offer without even thinking about it. Echo was not quick to agree for she wanted something in return. She had searched a long time for a man to marry and Narcissus seemed a good choice.
She said to him, "If I take you to the city to see yourself, you must marry me in return."
"Of course! I would marry anyone who could show me my face," Narcissus promised.
And just like that, they were headed for the city. When they arrived, Narcissus noticed people turning their heads to catch a glimpse of him. This got him even more excited to see his own face.
Echo brought him to a public bathroom that she knew was not used very often. She showed Narcissus the mirror in the bathroom. When he looked in the mirror, he was mesmerized by his own beauty.
"I am such a beautiful creature!" he exclaimed.
He stood there for hours just staring at himself in the mirror. Finally, Echo asked him, "When can we leave to go get married?"
"Not yet for I am too beautiful," explained Narcissus.
Narcissus never left that bathroom mirror. Instead of leaving, Echo stayed there with him waiting for him to marry her. They both died there waiting for what they wanted.
Author's Note: The original story took place in older times where the only way for Narcissus to see his own face was in the water of a pond. He was often told he was beautiful as well but had never seen his face. After being cursed by a spurned lover, Narcissus would be doomed should he ever see his face. A woman named Echo came across Narcissus in the woods and was completely shocked by his beauty. When she told him he was beautiful, he expressed his great desire to see himself because he had always wondered of what beauty people were speaking. Echo agreed to take him to see his face and took Narcissus to a nearby pond to show him his face. After looking at his face, Narcissus told Echo he was too beautiful to marry her and she ran away crying. Narcissus stayed by the pond gazing at his reflection for most of his life and ended up dying by the pond. All that was left where his body once lay was a flower, which they named "Narcissus." I decided to put a modern twist on the story and tell the story in modern times with a mirror in a public bathroom instead of a pond. I also told the story where Echo was obsessed with marrying Narcissus because she loved him. She was so obsessed with getting her heart’s desire (i.e. marriage) that she died by the pond as well waiting for Narcissus to marry her.
I liked the modern twist on this :^). The dialogue and interactions between Echo and Narcissus were well-written and you incorporated the original story into yours very well. Honestly, I feel super bad for Echo. I can't imagine her just standing around, waiting for her future husband like that. You described Narcissus's beauty and his infatuation nicely! Good job on the story!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really interesting story! You really made it believable that he could grow up without seeing himself because of his sheltered lifestyle and the limited interactions his mother allowed. I guess his mother had to know one day that he would discover the truth. You did a great job of bringing it up to modern times and having Echo take him to an easily accessible public bathroom was a great idea. It would have been interesting to explore what Echo was so desperate to get married that she agreed to marry a man she just met, even if he was the most beautiful person she had ever seen! Ha one would think it would take a little more than that! I wonder what people thought when they went in there and found those two just sitting and staring in the mirror? Kind of a strange thought when you think about who had to eventually find them when they had passed away. You really invoked sadness when they died with both of their dreams still unfulfilled.
ReplyDeleteWOW:I seriously loved reading your story! I especially love the part when they go to the bathroom and they ended up dying there. I was expecting him to just say I am too beautiful for you, and leave. I am not familiar with the original story so them dying in the end was a plot twist for me!
ReplyDeleteI WONDER: Why and where did Echo come from? And why couldn't she find a man willing to marry her? I found myself wondering if she was also beautiful or if there was something "wrong" with her personality! Like was she evil and was kicked out of her town and that is why she was wandering through his?
WHAT IF: Instead of jumping in to the story of Narcissus, what if you told a story of echo and possibly it could be written from her point of view as she was on this journey and found the most beautiful man...
Either way this was a wonderful read and I can't wait to read some more stories!
The modern setting you chose of the retelling is well done and a nice change of pace for the tale. The dialogue was well written and a joy to read through, giving the story more depth than otherwise would have been presented to the reader. I haven't incorporated dialogue into any of my stories to date, but plan to use this as a basis later for how to do it in an effective manner.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer, I like your take on Narcissus’s life! I read the original story and would have never thought to do this more modern take. A question I found myself asking was about why Echo seemed so desperate to find a husband? I wonder what would have happened if Echo did not bargain for marriage as an ultimatum. Would she just take him out of the goodness of her heart? Or what if she kidnapped him and never let him see himself. The endless possibilities!
ReplyDeleteIf there was an added description of Narcissus it would make him more imaginable; simply saying that he is beautiful could mean anything really. That story took such a quick turn, haha. I enjoyed this story a lot, but I just wished it was a little more detailed towards in the end. The characters’ and their personalities are so unique and it ended too soon! I wish there was more to read because the concept is great.
The modern twist on this story made it really intriguing, and I thought you did a really good job making it believable. In the beginning of the story, you mentioned that the doctor immediately thought Narcissus was abnormally beautiful, why was this? What about him made him so beautiful, was it his perfectly proportioned features, or the condition of his skin and hair? Did he have a rare combination of hair and eye color? I think more specific details could really help the reader visualize Narcissus’s beauty. Also, why did his mother think his beauty would allow him to be unsuccessful in life? Was she afraid other people would constantly be envious, or that he would be so self-absorbed everyone would dislike him because of his personality? Another thought I had was maybe at the end, Echo could do something to punish him for not keeping up his end of the deal? Something that damages his looks, or makes him indebted to her forever.
ReplyDeleteI love your modern take on this age old story. You did a great job bringing it into a new age. I do have some questions though. You mentioned that the house had no mirrors, but what about other reflective surfaces, like windows or metal surfaces. Also, his house may not have had mirrors, but why did every other place he go not have them,-like someone else house or a store? On top of that, why did Echo have to take Narcissus all the way to the city for him to see a mirror, small towns have public bathrooms and as echo is a girl, she could have had a small mirror in her bag. As a suggestion for your general story, see if you cant reduce unnecessary words like in this sentence "Narcissus had only had very few interactions with other people.." change it to ..had a few...it help improve the general flow of your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer! I really enjoyed reading your story about the two characters Narcissus and Echo. It really intrigued me because I am familiar with the original story, but I liked the modern day twist you gave to it. I was surprised by how Narcissus’s mother thought the best way to raise her beautiful son was to shield him from the real world. I believe if she had let him see himself and gain some self-perspective, the tragic ending to the story would be different. I really enjoyed the plot you gave to the story, but I think you should add some color to the story by describing in much more detail what Narcissus actually looked like that made him so beautiful. Also in the end, you said both characters died waiting for what they wanted; I think you should clarify what it is that Narcissus wanted because I don’t think the story ever really said. Overall, great job!!
ReplyDeleteI think you made an interesting choice to use a modern setting for this story. I could imagine the cloudy English skies and hear the accents in the dialogue. I think the best parts of the story were the dialogue between the doctor and the mother, and the dialogue between Narcissus and Echo.
ReplyDeleteOne think you could do when editing this story is to put more emphasis on the setting. For example, which large city does Narcissus visit? London, Newcastle, Manchester? You could use landmarks from the chosen city to spice up a passage or two with description. For example, if Narcissus had never been outside his suburban/country house, what would he think of the London Eye? Would he get culture shock? Is Echo used to the city? Also, it would be cool to have more detail about where the mirror is. It could be in a dingy public bathroom, or it could be part of an exhibit in a museum, or something like that.
Cool story! It makes a good first portfolio entry.
Jennifer, this was a very good retelling. I like how it was put into a more modern tone. I liked that each character had a goal too. Narcissus wanted to see himself and he wanted adventure and Echo wanted to marry him. I wish there more conflict though, not just them dying at the mirror. Why was Echo going through his town? Did she have different plans and change when she saw him? And I wish his personality came out too, because he seemed like a good person and everything changed when he saw himself. I think it'd be cool for Echo and him to get to know each other and he starts investing in himself more and more as the story goes on. Or really emphasize more on how attractive he is so that way his switch at the end doesn't seem so random. I really loved the ending. "They both died waiting for what they wanted." But I like how different their wants were. Echo died waiting to marry him. Narcissus waited his whole life to see himself and finally died after he did. So one person got to reach their goal while the other didn't.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story and it was very close to the original as well. They both ended up dying waiting for something that could never be theirs. It was just a bittersweet ending. She saw him waste away and die while he just kept staring at himself because he was so beautiful. I think though that if you had included more detail on where they were instead of just a mirror we could have had more of an image in our heads. Why did she travel all the way to the city to show him his face? Did she not have a small mirror with her or a phone that she could have taken a picture on? I guess he did get what he wanted since he finally saw himself. I am just surprised that he did not even find some sort of water to see himself like in the original story.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a fantastic job putting this story in a modern setting! One modern day mirror I think would be cool to include is the black mirror -- the reflection from devices such as cellphones. I think it could translate well to an even more modern day rendition concerning selfies and such. Nonetheless, your telling is great! One side of the story I think you could also explore is the what Echo was doing passing through the town. Obviously, she didn't have a husband, and her first reaction was to try to wed Narcissus. I would love to see what you could come up with for her perspective. I also think you did well writing the dialogue. Towards the end of the story, I think it would be interesting to expand on the time that passes as Narcissus looks at himself in the mirror. I wonder what Echo would be doing in the mean time. Finally, I wonder if Narcissus would become infatuated with himself if people never mentioned his great beauty. Overall, fantastic job, and I would love to see this story further expanded! I think you would have some really clever ideas for it.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story! I think the modern twist you chose to add to the story made it much more relate able. I haven't read the story which is why I am grateful that you added a summary of the story in the author's note.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that I felt that bothered me a bit was how quickly the story ended. I think that adding a bit more detail about how Narcissus longed to see his face or adding a scene with his mom stopped him from seeing his face would allow for us to feel more for the character. I think that otherwise the story was great! I really like that Echo also passed away waiting for what she wanted in life. This truly goes to show that we need to work hard and live life, because life is incredibly short.
Great job and good luck for the rest of the semester! I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the story you wrote! I enjoyed how it was set in modern times, it was a really clever twist. It was fun to see the choices you made to keep Narcissus from seeing his face while growing up. I thought it was interesting that you had the doctor tell Narcissus’ mother to keep mirrors away from him. I would be interested to hear a bit more as to why the doctor thought that his beauty would be a problem. I think you used your dialog well to move the plot forward. We didn’t get to know much about Echo, so maybe you could give her a little background as to why she wanted to marry Narcissus. I would love to know why marriage was what Echo wanted in return for showing Narcissus his reflection. Especially since she died in the bathroom waiting for him to leave to marry her.
Hey Jennifer! I really enjoyed reading your story! I liked that you set the story in modern times. I didn't expect the dark ending where both the characters end up dying, but I haven't read the original story either. I thought the whole story was interesting with the man never seeing himself before. I wonder what would have happened if he had grown up knowing what he looked like, but being taught to be humble and not allow looks to influence your thoughts or actions? I think it is interesting that both he and the woman Echo die waiting. He just admiring himself and she waiting for him. I don't completely understand why the mother was so worried about his beauty. I wonder what she thought of her own image and her husband's?
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story, and I can't wait to read more of your stories later in the semester!
I liked this retelling, feels fresh in a modern era. The emphasis put on Narcissus' beauty really drives home the idea that it's possible for him to just stare at himself until he died. One thing that confused me though, was how Narcissus' doctor commented on his beauty and told his mother to never let him see his own face. I was confused because Narcissus was just a newborn baby, and babies more or less look the same. I don't think there would be any baby born with a chiseled jawline or anything, so maybe that could be changed somehow. Another thing is that the characters seem to talk like they were born a long time ago when as far as I can tell this story is set either in the 20th or 21st century. I thought it was interesting that Echo would wait together with him until they both died, although a bit tragic.
ReplyDeleteJennifer, I enjoyed your modern spin on the story of Ovid's Metamorphosis! I was instantly intrigued at the beginning when Narcissus was born as such a beautiful baby, because babies are not usually that attractive right when they are born! I liked that his mother home schooled him to keep him away from other people and that he did not resist her or run away to see his face until he met Echo. I was a little confused why she was quite so desperate to marry a man she had just met, although I don't blame her since he was so beautiful, and I would love to know a little back story for her and the cause for her despair and need for a husband. I felt so bad for her that they never married in the end! I wonder how the story would change if he had ended up marrying Echo instead of staring at himself forever. Would they have had beautiful kids or would Narcissus have been disappointed if the were ordinary? Overall, I liked your take on this story and enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteJennifer, this was a great twist to the original story! The ending made me so sad. Reading that Echo waited until death for him to marry her. I agree with what Katie said above, I am curious as to why she was so desperate to marry that one man. I think maybe if there was a little more background about her, and what her family and friends were saying/doing to her that made her so desperate to find someone to marry, would add a little more understanding to the story. Another thing I am curious about, is if there were other women that came across Narcissus and offered to show him his reflection? He said he would marry any woman that showed him what he looked like, and since he is such a good looking man, I am surprised there weren’t others jumping at the opportunity to marry him. Or maybe Echo was lucky enough to be the first one that was given that option, so others didn’t have the chance? Poor Echo! Otherwise, I think the detail you used, and the style you chose worked out very well overall. I look forward to reading more of your work! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis story was awesome! I think it's awful that Narcissus never got to see his face until he got the city. I think you could give more detail on how that must feel for him. As you get older you start to notice that sort of thing more and more. Echo was his key to the real world! She did a great job of trapping him into marrying her... however it could have been foreshadowed that this wouldn't work. Did Echo really think it would be that easy to get a husband as beautiful as this one? Another aspect that would be cool to add is all of the new things he sees while in the city that he may have never seen before. Can you imagine having lived in the country your whole life and then visiting London? The world must look completely different! I like that your ending was abrupt! It think it works really well with the story.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteWow…I really enjoyed reading your spin on the original story. You seem to be a very talented writer and could keep my attention throughout the whole story. You have a unique writing style that I really appreciated. You took time into the details of the story and I think that’s what makes for a good writer.
I wonder…if there could be a little more set up at the beginning of the story. This is a classic tale and although I have not heard of many of the readings, I have heard about this one. It never hurts to give the readers some history before you start your version though!
What if…you created multiple endings for this story? I think with your writing style you made it work so well but I would want to know more about her travels! This was a fantastic read and you did a really great job with it.
Erin
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way you took the original story and made it your own! I thought it was extremely creative. One of my favorite things about your story is how short your sentences are in some cases. I think mixing up sentence length is a tell sign of a great storyteller. This helps me read the story smoother and understand the most important concepts. Furthermore, your story was easy to read and fun to read, as well! I really enjoyed your dialogue, as I think it brought to life more of your characters personalities! Very nice job! Lastly, I wonder if the introduction could be spread out and developed a little more? I didn't feel connected to the story immediately, but like I said before, I still enjoyed your sentence length. I would suggest creating a starting sentence with something that really draws the reader's attention in and really make them want to read your story, because it's a great one!
There are so many comments on this story already haha, but I really liked your interpretation of it! The version of Narcissus that I read had Echo watch over Narcissus forever until she faded away and all that was left was her voice (which is why we call echoes echoes!). I like the version you wrote though. Bringing the story into a more modern era was very interesting! Narcissus's mother must have had a hard time removing all those mirrors and limiting his interactions with people! Poor Echo though :(
ReplyDeleteWow, your story was very well written. I think that was my favorite part about it. It was very easy to follow, and I could easily picture the scenes taking place in my head. Great work. I like how you made your story more modern, and relatable. I’m not in this class, but I think the lesson was to not get caught up on little things like looks in order to enjoy what life has to offer.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your version of the story! You did a great job of rewriting the story in a modern setting. I wish you had elaborated more on what Narcissus saw when he looked at himself in the mirror, I was curious to know what made him all that beautiful. Also there are 2 phrases that are highlighted in white. Is there a specific reason for that? Using a dialogue between the characters also helped a lot in describing the characters more. Good job!
ReplyDelete